I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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