Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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