it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
