How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
