Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
