you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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