So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
