I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
