Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
