Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How's work?
Spinning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
