Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
