apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
