if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
