So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
