dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
