dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
time to smoke my breakfast
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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