More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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