I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
