u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I need moral support for this bender
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
