My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a search helicopter?!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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