im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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