I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just puked most of my soul out..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
