So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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