Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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