Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
