I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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