I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
