we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
