I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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