Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
