woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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