Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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