could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
