Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
