You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
