New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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