im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do vagina's smell?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
