So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
