What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
