i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
