There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
