Will you blow on my dice?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
