I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
