pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
