maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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