I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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