at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
