Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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