we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
