Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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