Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
