Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
