Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
