Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have aggressive nipples.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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