Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
